Full Frontal

Posted on 25th November, 2010 by Meira

I’m a little Irish you know . . . well more than a little if my fiery temper is any measure . . . and I have my father’s dark brown hair with my mother’s red hints and, of course, my mother’s emerald eyes. The eyes alone should be warning enough not to offend too casually, but, if not, the red highlights of my shoulder length hair should scare off would be aggressors.

You can’t do much about the stupidity though, and it was downright stupidity that I ran across in Los Angeles Airport the other morning. They have the a full body imager there, which many find an indignity, but . . . in the interests of national security . . . well not really because if the citizens of the United States of America were interested in national security they wouldn’t keep invading little countries with tiny armies. It makes them angry you know. No, really, it does. People don’t like their country being invaded even if they are being invaded by god-fearing, democracy loving, honest people of good intentions: Hard to believe I know, but it is true.

If the USA spent its defense budget on defense, as opposed to offense, it would not be undergoing the indignities of the descending dollar and all that goes with it. Instead it would have oodles of cash to man the borders, scan the skies, and patrol the seas to protect the worthies from the screaming hordes waiting just over the Mexican and Canadian borders, and be made safe from the massed air forces, huge navies, and limitless long range missiles just waiting cross the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. Well I expect they do spend quite a lot of the taxpayer’s money on those things, but they spend a lot more on occupying armies and all those highly paid supporting contractors. Well it’s money well spent because once in occupation the US forces can control the country, make sure their leaders are good guys, and maintain law and order. Well eventually . . . it’s only been ten years since the invasion of Afghanistan . . . it takes time for overwhelmingly more powerful forces to overcome poorly trained, under equipped, resistance groups.

So it was with these thoughts in mind that I proceeded to the full body imaging machine at LAX. Feeling a little uncomfortable at the coming humiliation I was taken aback when a slimy little toad in the guise of a security operative offered to pat me down instead of going through the scanner. Pat me down – I could have patted this worm down hard enough to prevent him ever from arising, but I didn’t. I could have slapped him so hard with the back of my hand his jaw bone would have left its sockets. I was so enraged, my Irish blood already simmering, that I could have chopped his scrawny neck hard enough to take him from this life, but I didn’t. Instead I gave him the benefit of the emerald greens. He backed off. I continued with the full ‘dare-to-touch-me-and-you’re-dead-stare’, which sent him into retreat, and that, I thought, was that.

Feeling a little better about myself I remained quite sanguine when the security people delayed me there, in the machine, for a full minute or more. It was an uncomfortable feeling, standing there, knowing someone could see you down to your skin. Eventually I was waived through only to see Scrawny, and three of his cohorts, standing, arms folded, just behind the imager and grinning lasciviously, at me. Okay, that’s enough. Occupying armies don’t win hearts and minds. Occupying armies bring terrorists to our shores, burn deficits into our budgets, and pile humiliations upon our citizens. Barack, you bring those armies home, right away, and leave us worthies our dignity.

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